Christmas in Korea

Okay, this is a little late, I apologize. The last week of work before vacation was a little hectic due to the winter camp we've been planning for in the ET, so I haven't had the ridiculous amounts of time to work on this thing that I usually have!! Thank-you to everyone who sent me a card!! Love you guys!!

Christmas was good over here in Korea, but I really missed a lot of family and friends over there in Canada. Ahhh... eucre (sp??) and drinking on Christmas eve with the family! That year dad decided he could out-drink everyone and ended up wearing a purple, flowery women's hat (and later spent the rest of the night puking). Bridget baking lots of food at 69 Peppler, playing Christmas music which would be met with lots of complaining from me! sigh.

For X-mas a-la-Korea, on Saturday I met up with Laurel in Gwang-ju where we went out for dinner at a Korean restaurant (I know, weird huh?) downtown then watched an unremarkable Hollywood Christmas movie (The Holiday). My movie watching standards, which were never high, have decreased dramatically since moving here. Last night I was glad to find this god-awful movie featuring Julia Styles on my sometimes-in-english-channels-but-don't-expect-too-much tv. It was about this girl who fell in love with this guy who ends up being the prince of Denmark and all the usual crap happens; "You lied to me!!" "Sorry bout that. I didn't want anyone to know" "I am so mad at you!!" "Will you marry me?" "Okay, but I'm still pissed at you. I'm a down-to-earth American who's very intelligent and not at all interested in being a Queen." etc etc.

Okay, what was I talking about? Ahhh... well anyway, we went to a korean restaurant. Here's what a typical meal in Korea looks like (that's Laurel looking dumb on the left):

In the middle is a little mini grill for the pork that will later be wrapped up in a leaf with some sauce. There are also a couple servings of Kimchi (of course), some dried seaweed with sesame oil, some seaweed soup, some sort of cooked mushrooms, green chili peppers, various leafy greens, bean paste, cabbage salad, rice, garlic, onion etc etc.

Then we headed out to "Speak Easy" a waygooken owned bar in Gwang-ju where there was a big Christmas party happening (along with a band). Here are some pictures of the night of revelry in which I acted with the utmost decorum the entire night:


So here's Stu and Jessica, both looking cute and maybe a little drunk.


And this is Melisa and some guy named Francis, who was definitely a little drunk.


Virginia, Chad, Nicola and Santa (Amy), representin' for the Jeolla Privince.


Max and Jeannie. Not sure what the face is about, but it's a funny picture.

So yeah, that was the day before Christmas eve, and while a lot of fun, was "a bit of a shit-show" (meaning there were lots of really drunk people I think) as someone succinctly put it. On Christmas eve, I went over to Alex's for dinner where he had made CHILI. First time in over four months. It was delicious. Then we sat around watching Korean music channels.

Merry Christmas to All (And to All a Good Night)

Merry Christmas to all in snowy, cold, and snowy Canada!! It's getting cold over here, but snow can't seem to stay on the ground for more than a few hours. And I can't wait to go to Thailand so I can lay about on the beach and sip refreshing beverages reading a book. I have three days off for Christmas (back to work on the 26th) and plan to spend that time complaining about afforementioned holiday.

Alex, I'm Sending This to Your Mother Unless You Give Me Money

For shame young man!! I was looking through my photo's on my computer and found this one of Alex, looking very James Dean. I'd like a million won please.

In other non-news, it's three in the afternoon and I'm practicing my Korean. Here's a sample:

지송 함니다 (chio-song-ham-ni-da)- sorry

어떻게지내세요 (o-ddah-kae-chi-na-sae-yo)- How are you?

정말 맛있었어요! (chong-mal-mas-iss-oss-o-yo)- That was delicious!

I have way too much time on my hands. I need an at-work hobby that looks like it could actually be work. Mom's thinking "Cathy! You whiner! Why don't you actually DO WORK???".

Wishful Thinking

This morning just before my alarm clock woke me (obnoxiously playing "Feliz Navidad", which will be stuck in my head all freaking day), I was having the most wonderful dream. I was shopping with the waygook Wednesdayer's (Monique, Stu, Max) in a CANADIAN grocery store (the Independant Grocer in Exeter, ha ha). I was buying the ingredients to make myself some tacos (not sure why), and some pink lemonade (sigh!) to go with it. I think we were still in Korea, it was just a "Canadian style" grocery store. I guess I must have been hungry this morning.

Oh, and parents, thanks for the package!!! For whatever reason customs in Seoul was very interested in the contents (they even cut through the duct tape for me, very classy by the way DAD). I think when they saw the turtles and wrapped gifts they realized you weren't trying to smuggle WMD's into the country and sealed it back up. Oh, and I got your Christmas card as well, which I agree is REALLY tacky but I loved it anyway.

Happy Birthday Mom!!

The big 5-0!!! Congrats mom!!! As I tried to tell you earlier, 50 is the new 30, so don't worry about it! I haven't seen you for four months, but I know you look beautipul (as a Korean would say because there's no 'f' in the Korean language)!! And a late blog happy birthday to Tracy as well!!

Not much going on today as usual. Same dialogue different day. Except that I found out Mr. Yoon has to work somewhere else after winter break. Teacher's here can only work at one school for four years before they're moved to another school, so they're going to be replacing Mr. Yoon! EEEK!!! That really sucks. Apparently the new co-teacher is going to be a female as well, which could end up being a bad thing. There's already enough estrogen with myself, Mrs. Lee and Mrs. Kim. I just hope this new person isn't a children hating, waygook hating, English hating psycho.

Yesterday I had one of my student classes, and I think my "foreign appeal" is starting to wear off, which sucks because now I'll actually have to be a decent teacher for the kids to like me. Most of them behave pretty well though, I think my biggest annoyance is Ye-jin, and she's ridiculously cute even when annoying. Yesterday I was teaching the kids how to tell time in english, which was fun. In one hand I held a big clock and was quizzing the students, and my other hand was held by Ye-jin who was swinging around like a little monkey, singing some sort of Korean Christmas song (the other students laughing at me the entire time). She knows english pretty well, but she's a lot younger than the other students, and only goes because her grandfather (Mr. Yoon) makes her. She usually spends most of the class doodling on the handouts and muttering to herself, or running around trying to erase stuff I had written on the board. Little monster. She's always running up to me with drawings she's done of me. Hahahahahahha, she knows I call her "monster" (affectionately, I swear) all the time, so on one of the drawings it said 케티=바보, which means "Cathy=foolish, or stupid". Shithead.

The Naj: A True Story

So on Waygook Wednesday Monique, a Yongsanpoer, pulls out this book about Naju. It's meant to be a textbook to help people learn english, and it's filled with an insane amount of propaganda. Apparently Naju is a "meca for cyclists"! Here's an example (I'm paraphrasing just a bit):

Seren: I heard that Naju is quite famous for it's skate* dating back to the Hannwanyoung-ilsan (that's totally made up) dynasty. Is this true?

Byeong-wan: Why yes it is Seren. It is a very well known fact indeed! Naju and Yongsanpo is quite famous for its delicious and aromatic skate. People travel to Naju from all over the world just to try it. Would you like to accompany me to one of the many scenic and beautiful restaurants in Naju to partake in a sampling of this fine delicacy?

Seren: Why, that would be wonderful. (later) Mmmmm... machisseyo! (delicious in Korean, but for foreigners, often means "interesting" or "wow, that's really gross")

* Skate is... an aquired taste. It is a fish that smells strongly of ammonia (pee!!!) that is often served raw. I think the only way Korean's can stomach it is served with the red chili pepper sauce and wrapped in a leaf. And no, there aren't any scenic/beautiful restaurants in Naju.

The Naj: A True Story

The Naju Mary

Monique: Hey Byeong-wan, I heard that there was a statue of Mary that cried tears of blood.

Byeong-wan: Yeah, it looked pretty gross.

Monique: Did god make it happen?

Byeong-wan: No, no! It was Julia, the hairdresser who owns the statue. She also claimed to have stigmata at one point.

Monique: Cool!

Byeong-wan: Yeah, it was pretty cool.

The Naju Ajumma

Stuart: Who are all of those old ladies I see all over the place in Naju?

Byeong-wan: They're called AJUMMAS. Ajumma's are important to Naju economically because they are needed to work in the rice, pear and melon fields. They work for absurdly low wages and are forced to sell their fruit and various beans on the street or out of trucks.

Stuart: Mmmmm, the Naju pear. I've heard they're delicious.

Byeong-wan: They sure are!!! But make sure you peel of the skin before you eat them or you'll probably die a horrible death.

Stuart: Oh, okay. Why do all of the ajumma's look so similar?

Byeong-wan: A very good question Stuart!! There are certain guidelines to becoming an ajumma.

1. She needs to have a perm.
2. Wear one of those huge visors.
3. Long-sleeved shirts in various garish colour combinations.
4. Flood pants.
5. A cane.


Sigh. Yeah, I need a life. It's Friday afternoon and my last class ended at 12:30pm. Went to the post office to send another package to the parents which ended up being a half hour long ordeal, but an amusing time-killer at the same time. The post-office guy tries so hard to make me understand! He even went online and translated a few words, but when he read it to me, I just wasn't getting it so eventually I asked him to write it in Korean so I could show it to someone to translate for me. He wanted me to know that the post-office would be sending a text message (In Korean!) to my cell phone once the package arrived. I love how much Koreans care. Some woman named Josie from the Phillipines also wrangled my phone number from me so that we could "hang out and have fun". Then I saw James Bond on the street on the way back to work (James Bond is really cute. He's an elementary student from another school in Naju who feels the need to tell me his name is James Bond EVERY TIME HE SEES ME. Yeah, I get it kid, you're 007). Then I saw two cars try to cross one of the bridges at the same time and a guy in a white car scraped the entire length of his car against the cement railing. Dude! Just wait for the other guy to go!!! I accidentally made eye-contact with the driver as I was cringing over the sound. Whoops. So many things can happen on a trip to the post office!!

Shift the Blame

I'm not sure how we got on this topic, but my co-teacher's and I were talking about our general feelings towards Americans, and George Bush. At one point I cracked a joke about blaming American's for something ignorant I'd done in Korea (for example that day I had forgotten to change my outdoor shoes to my indoor shoes because I was in a hurry). After I said it I was instantly regretful, thinking the joke would not be well-recieved. But Mrs. Lee, my super-nice and always polite co-teacher replied "Koreans do the same thing. When they've done something bad, they just say they're Japanese". Hahahahahahahahahaha. Is it wrong that I found that really funny?

The Test

Stolen directly from Alex's website, and so true it's sick:

Step right up and take the test!
Keep score on a piece of paper. Yes or No:

1) Do you like Kimchi?
2) Does Kimchi prevent Cancer?
3) Does Kimchi prevent AIDS?
4) Does Kimchi prevent Homosexuality in pregnant women's unborn children?
5) Do you say the word "Maybe" more than the word "like"?
6) If you sleep in a room with the doors and windows closed and the fan on, will you die?
7) Do you like Super-Cutie-Junior?
8) Are the boys in Super-Cutie-Junior handsome?
9) When your cell-phone rings, does it take priority over every present conversation no matter the situation?
10) Is your cell-phone's ring something cute and bubbly?
11) Do you not know what I'm talking about, because you've only heard it called a "handeu-pone"?
12) Is K-1 awesome?
13) Do you and your significant other wear matching outfits?
14) Are you the same size?
15) Do you eat the same food for every meal of every day?
16) Is 10 degrees Celcuis parka-weather?
17) Does eating dog prevent colds in winter?
18) Does eating dog give you a better sex-life (for males only)?
19) Do you know your blood-type for the same reason Hippies know their astrological sign?
20) Is pink the most manly colour in the rainbow?
21) Should Ginseng be made into suck-candies?
22) Is live squid a bar-treat? (like peanuts, but moving!)
23) Soju tastes great!
24) Men should have long fingernails for optimal beauty.
25) Do you cross your arms in an X when expressing a negative or saying no?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, ask your parents about your family history -- there may be some Korean blood in there.















I'd like to counter Alex's list with a "Why I love Korea List".

Why I Heart Korea

1. The first time I had to take a bus somewhere, I made myself really annoying and attempted to ask lots of gesturing, poorly spoken questions so that I could figure out when to get on the bus. Now, when that same old man I harassed see's me coming, he demands to see my ticket so he knows where I'm going and yells for me when my bus gets there. I love it. I haven't gotten on the wrong bus yet.

2. Every now and then in my English town when I come back from lunch the kids swarm around me and give me cookies, chips and various other dessert snacks from their lunch. I love elementary kids!

3. Every now and then I can get an old ajumma to crack a smile at me, even if she does think I'm a strange looking "megook saram" (the dreaded "American person"). Once I walked past a group of mountain ajumma's (these are a different breed of ajumma; they wear bright pink jump-suits, and they're much more spry); when they saw me they all stared as usual, and one ACTUALLY SAID HELLO to me. When I said hello back they thought it was the funniest thing ever.

4. I can buy a freshly cooked sweet potato at 4am.

5. The mountains.

6. The heated floor in my apartment.

7. Having money in my bank account that I didn't have to borrow, or shovel shit, or clean a dish, or climb up a 30 foot ladder to get. My job is sweet.

8. Celebrity status for being a person from another country. Very surreal.

9. Things I had never experienced before: the ocean, being in a temple, sleeping in pagodas, playing volleyball with a bunch of intense Korean men, norae-banging (karaoke) with drunken teachers, travel.

10. Meeting lots of interesting people.

The one reason I've found to not like Korea: a bouncer at a night club named "Dong Yang Nights" in Gwang-ju wouldn't let us in because we were white. The bouncer was a jerk. Oh, and ginseng candies are NASTY little things. They have this disgusting dirt aftertaste. They even smell like pungent dirt to me. Ugh.

In other news, I'm off to Wolchulsan again this weekend, weather permitting. And this wednesday, the "Wednesday Waygook Night" will be expanding it's members to include a bunch of foreigners that work together at some christian school in Naju, and possibly the Naju Mormons. We're all going to go bowling. Sounds like a Craaaaaazy party to me!!!

Manifesto

I was trying to find an essay I had written for some grad school applications (they said they didn't recieve it, which is crazy because I checked only about a million times!) and I found this manifesto I wrote. First, you need to know that art school is often all about the bullshit. Second, that I sometimes have too much time on my hands.

Manifesto of a Nihilist Decoupagist

Nihilism is really none of your business you sad little conformist. Because I am a nihilist, I don't even truly believe in nihilism, for that would make me believe in something-- contravening all nihilistic views (of which there are none)-- which is impossible.

Decoupage is your grandmothers business. An intensely care-oriented and crafty pastime: decoupage is the art of gluing pictures of anything to virtually any object (preferrably something of great sentimental value). Decoupagists are often older females who are retired or in some way phyically disabled, so they have lots of time.

I am a nihilist who is as interested in decoupage as a nihilist can possibly be. When you don't care about anything it can be difficult creating art, so half of my 'craft' is in the thought process.

As I glue celebrity faces (usually Justin Timberlake) to lamps, jewellery, boxes, photo albums, and various other objects, I often think about how I don't care about the object I'm decorating, I don't care about the pictures that I have painstakingly cut out, and I certainly don't give a shit about the glue holding all of those pictures on. I don't believe in galleries, art, or even the art object; therefore I have no concerns about whether or not what I'm doing is even art.

Other loser-nihilist-wannabes will read this and say "Oh Mighty Cathy, if you are such a devout nihilist, why are you even bothering to write a manifesto?" To that nihilist-wannabe I reply: "Shut-up, jerk-store. I am a true nihilist because I supercede even the bounds of nihilism. No popular social, quasi-religious ideals could possibly touch me due to the depth of my not caring about anything."

On the days (there are many) when I can't be bothered to do my decoupage based on principals of nihilism, I try not to think about it. I don't consider its relation to contemporary art, and simply couldn't give a flying f*** about what my work could mean to the world in general. Probably nothing. Potentially something, but probably nothi........

The Mighty Cathy, not that it really matters.


On a completely different topic, it's friday here in Naju ET. The week has gone by REALLY fast as usual. Yesterday as I arrived at my school, I walked past the administration building and noticed a few broken windows. And when we opened up the english town, there were four more broken windows!! Someone's NOT a fan of english apparently. One of my co-teacher's swore it was a "Naju gang", which struck me as pretty hilarious. I can just imagine the Naju Gang: a bunch of local toughs with dramatically styled hair, wearing three piece metrosexual suits and carrying expensive handu-pone's, sitting in the "BMW Bar" plotting their dramatic attack on Naju Elementary School. Ha! It was probably some old guy who'd had WAAAY to much Soju. This is roughly what a Naju gang member would look like:



Of course it's ACTUALLY a picture of the beloved Eun-hyuk of Super Junior, but you get the idea. Most young Korean men look and dress a lot like this. Doesn't just looking at him strike fear into your heart?

Hidden Dangers in K-Town

So last night I was walking home from work, minding my business as usual, Saying "hi" to the random kid that screamed my name. Then as I was about to get to my apartment complex, about five older Korean men stopped me in my path. One grabbed my arm and basically pushed me to the side of the street, off the sidewalk. I found my self standing before some old guy, not knowing what the hell was going on. Then he reached inside this archaic oven of some kind...(dramatic pause, building of tension)... and pulled out a big, cooked sweet potato and handed it to me. I started to laugh at this point, and when I tried to pay him for it, he refused. I had to drop the thing because it was so hot (it had just come out of an oven) and all the old guys laughed at me as they ate theirs. So beware the streets of Korea; there are people lurking around, wanting to give you free food. When I got home I cracked that baby open... mmm sweet-potato goodness. Korean's consider the sweet-potato to be a dessert, which I think is hilarious.

Okay, So MAYBE I'm Mentally Disturbed

I got a package!!

Mother, as you can see I've put your Christmas presents to good use! I was trying to think of something I could use that was around the house to decorate the tree, and for whatever reason I thought of the big article about Kim Jong Il that I read in a "Newsweek" that I bought here. And so the "Il(l) Angel" was born. As I've said many times before, I've got a lot of free time after school. I can assure you this is not a political message. Hahahahhahahaha. And if you think this is disturbing, you should see my sketchbooks!

Today all of the elementary school kids (even first grade!) have exams, so I have absolutely no classes, but I'm stuck here anyway, so this is going to be a long entry. Last night as I sat on my heated floor eating dinner (KD) and watching America's Next Top Model, I almost felt like I was at home in Canada. Sigh. Yeah, I'm getting a little homesick. It's just going to be weird not seeing everyone at Christmas.

Hahahahahahahaha. My co-teachers just informed me that in December I'll be teaching two teacher's workshops per week instead of the usual one. When I laughed and asked "When was this decided???" they said I should know about it because "they gave me a document that had all the information". Of course, said document was entirely in Korean!!! The only English on the entire piece of paper is my name, which is less than helpful. Add to this the fact that they give me a lot of documents entirely in Korean; I think my confusion was a little justified. Ahhhh, it's a good thing I'm not in a rotten mood today, or that whole debacle would really irk me. When I asked why there would be two classes per week rather than one, they told me it was to use up excess budget, which means I'll be paid more, so how can I be upset?? There's also the fact that half of those classes will most likely be cancelled for one reason or another, and I will still be paid for them. Korean inter-office politics are so gloriously corrupt.

oh wait, Mr. Yoon, the office elder has left the room and the truth comes out!! He had just decided to go with that particular schedule about ten minutes before they told me. So funny. He also decided that he wanted his granddaughter to sit in on the student classes we teach, and that he would be there to make sure she behaved herself. So Mrs. Kim wanted me to teach her class today because she was afraid of having him in her class ("Stress! It give me stress! Cathy!! Change-ey!!"). My response: Anio!! Anio!! Opsoeyo! (basically no).

On a totally different topic; I have my travel dates (Jan 20- feb 2nd-3rd-4th)!! I have two weeks to go anywhere in the world I desire; I am bound by nothing. So of course I have no idea where I will go. Alex is going to Rome for a couple of weeks; Kristen and Maura are travelling around Vietnam/Thailand/Cambodia for over a month; others are going to Mexico, New Zealand, Australia; but I'm not sure about myself. I've decided that this weekend I'm going to take the KTX to Seoul and go to a random travel agent and say "book me on a warm, exciting tour to anywhere at a decent price". Then I can get my visa's while in Seoul and all will be sorted out.

Things I would like to do while in Teaching Konglish for a year:

1. see at least three other Asian countries (Japan and China would be easy!).
2. go someplace like Thailand and swim with some sharks (I found some packages where I can do this!! Sweet!).
3. lie on a really hot beach by the ocean sipping an exotic beverage (I've already done that, but it was a beach in Korea, so it didn't count).
4. See a "world wonder"- Ankor Watt (sp?) in Cambodia for example.
5. Climb a REALLY tall mountain (or a few).
6. Visit another continent (other than asia and america); perhaps Australia.
7. Learn how to say "hello", "thank you" etc in 10 languages. (Hello, bonjour, annyong haseyo (korean), konicheewa (Japanese), Hola (spanish), Guten Tag! (German).... that's all I can think of at the moment).
8. show some drawings or paintings in a gallery in Gwang-ju.
9. think of some kind of gimmick as catchy as "wherethehellismatt.com" so that people will actually want to read my blog.
10. do some kind of crazy cross-country rainforest trek.
11. make some korean friends. There don't seem to be any Koreans my age in Naju that speak any English. A good-looking guy who lives in my building tried to talk to me in the elevator one morning. But after the "Nice to meet you's" and "how are you's" were exhausted, I could tell that was pretty much all he knew. And my knowlege of Korean is meagre at best.
12. learn more Korean!!!
13. Go to a jimshilbang (sp?). They're these "sauna rooms" that are all over the place. For a small price, maybe W6000, you can swim and relax. But it's a gender segregated area and so everyone walks around naked. My town is so small that EVERYONE there would recognize me. I'm not the nameless foreigner that they see hanging around all naked and westerner-like; I'm Kesi from Naju English Town. I don't want people discussing my big white-girl body. Apparently old ajumma's will blatantly stare, or even go in for a grab as well; which seems a little too scary to me. I think I'll go sometime when I'm in Seoul. When I'm in Seoul, no one stares or bothers to say hello on the street because westerners aren't a big deal.
14. Oh yeah, and become a good teacher.

Murder at the Juice Joint

Another interesting weekend in Mokpo! It was Maura's 25th Birthday over the weekend, so we all gathered in Mokpo to celebrate. How did we do this? We dressed up like 20's stlye police officers, mobsters, crooks, actresses, etc. and got a little drunk. We were all invited to solve a murder at the "Juice Joint" where anyone could be the killer, in fact the killer didn't even know until it was announced. Laurel, the Chief of Police had committed the crime and ONE person guessed that it had been her, sadly enough. This just proves that an open bar helps NO ONE solve crimes.








I had also been meaning to take part in another "free hugs" campaign, but once we got out there it was raining and snowing and I was feeling sick with ANOTHER cold, so I got about one hug before I had to call it a day. I didn't want to spread my disease to unsuspecting citizens wanting a hug.

This is just something I found kind of funny; my elevator was "under the maintenance" on Friday. Note the cute little character; no billboard in Korea can be effective if there isn't a cute little animation somewhere.

Ummm... Rooster

Sorry mom, I know this is a little... offbeat. But if you saw a big restaurant named "Cock" in South Korea, wouldn't you probably think it was a little funny???? It is some sort of Korean food restaurant that must sell lots of chicken (I hope). Went into Gwang-ju last night to see a movie that ended up being out of theatres, so sadly enough, this restaurant was the highlight of the night.

Got into a discussion with a fellow Naju-ite last night (on the bus ride into Gwang-ju) about a movie called "Waking Life". "Waking Life" is a bit of a philosophical movie about this man's state of consciousness. He is always mistaking his dreams for reality, and vice versa, so he never knows when something is ACTUALLY happening. Maybe I'm not really in South Korea, I'm not teaching english, and I'm not a "round-eyed Godzilla-esque monster; it's all a bizarre, surreal dream. I still have a lot of "Oh my god, I'M LIVING IN KOREA" moments. Like taking the city bus for example; it's all so very normal until I look out the window and see temples, big statues of Buddha's, ENDLESS apartment complexes, street vendors selling dried octopus, and lots and lots of Paris Baguette's*.

* For whatever reason the store "Paris Baguette" is HUGE here. Even Naju has one, which is saying a lot. It's your usual bakery type store (with some Korean influences of course) and they're all over the place. I'd never heard of the place until I came here; I don't recall ever seeing one in Canada. Can someone prove me wrong?